Checking in on Mr. Biscuit, the Mitch Trubisky saga. Part 1.

First lets check in with my initial reaction to the Bears drafting of Trubisky.

Jesus look at this guy, he’s a mess, you can see it in his eyes. But how is he doing roughly 3 months later?

Ok this guy is a bit more calm, but he sure seems pessimistic about the Bears and poor old Mitch. It’s really sad to be so down on your team before the season even starts. Usually I trick myself into a couple weeks of “we might be good.” Not this year. This year is about low expectations and being pleasantly surprised (maybe). In that regard it’s not unlike my approach to dating. Ladies feast eyes, this bald fellah is single. Sup?

What does the future hold for Mr. Biscuit and Da Bears? Only time will tell. A-Train out.

ESPN intent on getting all the Milk from the OJ Simpson cow.

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Now that I have written that headline, I feel like I missed a real opportunity for a solid juice pun. Oh well maybe I can fit it in later. It’s reflex to hit 173 on the remote, when I pick it up. Those numbers followed by the enter key bring me to ESPN the self proclaimed “World Wide Leader” in Sports. I didn’t realize it was going to be all OJ all day. As I type ESPN cameras are focused on an empty desk in Carson City, Nevada. I assume at some point people will be sitting in these seats. Maybe I’m underestimating how much the average person cares about the state of OJ Simpson in 2017. We all have an opinion on it sure, it’s a conversation topic, but is it something that we need to watch unfold live? I’ve never been to a parole hearing, but they have to be boring as hell. ESPN is making a goddamn special out of this.

I’m pretty sure OJ is going to get paroled, by the time this posts it may have already happened. I’m bracing myself for the media shit-storm coming from this non-event. I really don’t care about OJ at this point. People get paroled for robbery everyday in this country, it’s not news. OJ was always going to get out at some point he was never going to serve life. It sucks for Juice that this is happening during the quietest time of the year for news. It is as if ESPN paid the courts so that the parole hearing would fall during their dead zone. It sucks even more for me and anyone else who is trained to go to ESPN the second you click on the TV. We are the real victims in this OJ debacle. Kids ask your grandparents about the movie A Clockwork Orange.

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They brainwash violent offenders by forcing them to watch horrifying videos while inducing feelings of sickness. I kinda feel like ESPN has done this to me with OJ over the past 25 years. Just when I think I’ve seen enough, they show more. I would rather be watching competitive scrabble.

So I am actually watching this garbage and the lead parole lady looks like Linda Belcher. It’s the most compelling part of this hearing.

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OJ is only hurting himself, with some of the shit he’s saying. I should be live tweeting this not blogging it. Hindsight is 20/20.

I just realized OJ is wearing a jean shirt, the whole time I thought he was in OR scrubs and wondering why. I need to get my eyes checked.

I can’t watch this anymore. This is so boring. I’ll just wait to hear the outcome like every other normal person. My prediction is he is going free. A-Train OUT.

 

Ok I’m back to update. I was right. Juice is loose. Orange you glad ESPN has given you non-stop coverage. I’d say the glass is half full for OJ now. I bet outside the courthouse it’s a Sunny Delight. You could say he just got freshly squeezed out of prison. Nine years is a long time to keep OJ on the shelf, better check the expiration date. I hope I was able to quench any thirst for promised puns.  – A-Train out for reals this time.

 

Double Update: It’s officially out of hand. OJSPN has taken over. 

The LA Rams have killed Todd Gurley.

They didn’t literally kill him, so Grandma Gurley if you’re reading this, your baby is ok. He just sucks. He sucks because the Rams suck. The Rams suck as an organization. They suck on the field. This isn’t news. But it’s probably only going to get worse.

It’s late July, training camp hasn’t started, but the fantasy football chatter has begun. I’m the commissioner of The Holy War, my long running fantasy football league with my high school friends. Last year I finished in last place, and it’s mostly because of stupid fucking Todd Gurley. So I’m starting to think keepers, and despite the obvious talent and the fact I get him at a great auction price, I can’t keep Todd Gurley. I don’t think I could keep him for free. One of the more talented backs in the league, had an solid rookie year, and the Rams ineptitude is so great that he’s not worth a keeper slot. Pathetic.

How did the Rams become so inept? Well it starts at the top with the Rams owner.Stan #1Stan Kroenke is repulsive in just about every way. He’s got all the money in the world and he uses it to ruin professional sports franchises. When was the last time the Colorado Avalanche did anything? Or the Denver Nuggets? Everything the Kroenke family touches turns to rubbish and Stan has the magical ability to make every suit he’s wearing no matter how expensive look cheap. But it’s not Stan putting this team on the field, so who is the guy making all the sage football moves in LA? It’s not the GM. It’s this guy.

 

 

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This is Kevin. Fun Fact about Kevin, he once got destroyed on Double Dare. Another fun fact? This is the guy running the hapless Rams. This guy has Todd Gurley’s blood on his hands. This is the architect of the Jared Goff trade, you’re welcome Titan’s fans.

Then we got Les….

Les Sneed 1.2  Les is probably an ok guy but he’s getting cucked by a nerd in the form of a guy named Kevin for Pete’s sake. This guy has a laundry list of bad draft picks. One of the biggest being the waste of space Greg Robinson at #2 overall. It’s not like he was getting bad info from the scouts. There was talk among several of the scouts about taking Zack Martin, who was viewed as polished and ready to play guard. Les hushed that chatter right away by saying, “I can’t take a guard at #2.” Why the fuck not Les? Instead you took a project of a Tackle and that project didn’t pan out. Now Zack Martin is locked into the pro bowl every year producing more gaping holes than Mike Adriano. You know who could use some gaping holes? (cough phrasing) Todd MOTHERFUCKING Gurley! That’s just a small sample size of the stupidity. Don’t get me started on the Tavon Austin contract, the way the Lambs cap is managed is a rabbit hole I don’t care to go down.

So there you have it…the UnHoly Triumvirate that snatched Todd Gurley’s promising young career before it even started. Todd I wish I could say it was nice having you on the team, clean out your locker, you’re back in the FA pool.