Wet the Beak: Nearing the End of the Line.

I can’t believe this is the last weekend of college football. After Saturday it’s just bowl games and the playoff. Still, much Football left to wet the beak on so we should get after it while we can. This week’s picks were pretty hard for me to make, Vegas seems pretty on point with the spreads this week, nevertheless, A-Train has seen his sheet and made his predictions. Let’s see if we can stay hot. Here we go…

Big 12 Championship, Dallas: TCU vs Oklahoma: Right now Oklahoma is a 7 point favorite over the Horned Frogs. That line feels like a solid push to me but I do think TCU could win the game outright. If it jumps even a half point I’d be all over TCU. As of right now, I think we are going to take them to cover and hope it’s a close game.

SEC Championship, Atlanta: Georgia vs Auburn: I think the play here is to fade the public and take Georgia +2.5. It’s hard to beat a team twice in one season especially if the first time you beat them you were at home. I just don’t know how many of these big games Auburn will be able to pull off in a row. I think Georgia comes back with a better game plan and wins the rematch.

Big 10 Championship, Indianapolis: Ohio St. vs Wisconsin: I have no idea how this game will play out because I have no idea if Wisconsin is good. I know exactly how good Ohio St. is, they are pretty good. I also HATE Ohio St. I think they are corrupt as hell, the selection committee ALWAYS gives them the benefit of the doubt. (and why not the OSU athletic director is on the committee) The LAST thing I want to see is this 2-loss bullshit Ohio State team in the playoff. That being said this just feels like Ohio St. is going to win. But do they win by more than 6.5? Probably…Gross, I think I want to take the Buckeyes in a game I hope I lose.

ACC Championship, Charlotte: Miami vs Clemson: I’m pretty sure that Clemson is going to win this game. They have been here the last two seasons, they are hot, Miami is coming off of a loss. The Spread is Clemson -9.5, do they win by that much? Extremely hard to say, that’s a solid line by Vegas.  I’m just gonna say that they do. This is a coin flip. I’d be ok putting Clemson money line in any parlays if that’s your thing.

Pac-12 Championship, Santa Clara: Standford vs USC: I have sucked picking the PAC-12 in games all season. I have doubled sucked when USC is involved. So I don’t feel great picking this game. I’m gonna go with USC to cover -3.5. If somehow this went to 3, I would feel much better about it.

American Athletic Conference Championship: Memphis vs UCF: Not a lot to say here, except that we are going to roll the dice on the UCF team to cover 7. This is another game this is probably a push at 7 but we are going to take the action.

throw in a non-championship game: UL Monroe +27.5 @ FSU: On principle, we like UL Monroe to cover the 27.5 points FSU is laying.

These are the picks -Atrain out.

The #1 Selling Album of All-Time: Michael Jackson’s Thriller Turns 35 Today.

Consider this my “Throwback Thursday” post. It’s Billie Jean’s 35th Birthday. Everyone knows this album. It sold 66 million copies. It’s part of the American cultural ether and has been omnipresent my entire life. I was still pooping in a diaper when this Album came out. When my parents bought our first CD player for the household. “Thriller” was one of the first Albums purchased.

It’s 9 tracks, 42 minutes and 19 seconds in total. Not a particularly long album. What it lacks in quantity it makes up for in quality. Pretty much every track is a classic.

 

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How many copies sold did it take to build Neverland Ranch I wonder?

The only thing that takes away from the greatness of “Thriller” is the fact that it was made by a weirdo who built an entire facility designed to lure little children into his home. A weirdo who also had so much plastic surgery he looked like a white woman by the end of his life. A weirdo who seemed to get a major pass by everyone for his predilection for young boys.

People Listening to the Album in 1982, of course, didn’t know what the future would hold. They only knew that a game-changing new album had dropped and it was getting play everywhere. Track #1 comes in hot……

How do you not just start moving when you hear this music? The re-listen of “Thriller” does not disappoint it really does live up to the hype. Nor does it feel dated despite its age. Great music truly is timeless and “Thriller’ has stood the test of time.

(there is a jackhammer doing business right outside my window as I try to blog this, there is no end to the construction around A-Train Corp. right now it’s driving me crazy and I may have to wrap this up) 

 

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Worse than a jackhammer, this is a whole thing. It’s too early for this shit Seattle!

 

UGH! where was I? Oh yeah, Michael’s Jackson’s Thriller. Give it a listen on its 35th Birthday and try not to think about how the profits went into building a molestation ranch.

-A-Train out.

 

Sounds of Silence – You are Vanquished.

Family, I apologize. I missed ya yesterday with those thumps. The Train came in and hit you with some phenomenal tunes as your boy was off the radar. The Prone Bone Malone express has been standing room alone lately, and that coupled with the new business I referenced on the Prone Bone Dome has taken up a whole helluva lot of time. All that being said, I’m back, mafuckas. And I got some Johnny Blaze funk to hit you with on this bluster filled, wintery Wednesday morning in the Lou.

“Feel it Still,” Portugal The Man (Flatbush Zombies Remix)

I’m thinking of giving Flatbush Zombies their own feature blog very soon – these guys are kind of the counterpoint to the Underachievers. Similar styles and flows, but the Zombies are wayyyyy more grimy and love to talk about drugs. The Underachievers are goonish with their bars only, and basically only smoke weed. The track above is a dope non Hip Hop one that the Zombies managed to make it better. More from them to come this week.

“WRATH,” DTCHPLNES feat. Danny Brown

Danny Brown is another grimy, young thundacat who might catch his own feature blog. The best story about him is one where a ratchet ass chick blew him from the crowd while he was rhyming with his cock in her mouth. Boss made status and PBM certified.

“Ring the Alarm,” Joey BadA$$ feat. Nyck Caution, Kirk Knight, and Meechy Darko of Flatbush Zombies

Pro Era + Meechy from Flatbush = MEGATON FLAMES. This might be my favorite new school joint that was released in 2017.

A-Train Listens II – My Music of the Moment.

I have left most of the music coverage to my colleague PBM. He is the hip-hop head of this conglomerate, up-to-date on all the new hot fire. That’s not me. I don’t know new music. My tastes are eclectic and they skew older. (This is not to say PBM doesn’t also know old music, he does.) Still, I want to talk about what I’ve been listening too of late. Consider this a “ME” blog today.

New Order – Temptation. 

This is a perfect song. I’ve lost more music than most people will ever own. I lost the album this song was on due to hard drive corruption in 2008. Not replacing it toot sweet was a mistake. I heard it the other day for the first time in probably 10 years and I was taken back to the time when I played this song on repeat. So many feels. It’s quite incredible how a song unheard for so long can instantly take you back in time. By the time this 8-minute eargasm was over I was tearing up from the memories it was invoking.

Play this song when your crush is in the car fellas. If this was the 90’s I’d tell you to put it on a mix. New Order is incredible but this is by far my favorite song of theirs. It’s seen a lot of play over at A-Train Corp. since I re-discovered.

Souls of Mischief – ’93 to Infinity.

’93 to infinity is the song to highlight but this entire album is a classic. The Souls of Mischief and the later to follow Hieroglyphics group had that Oakland sound that was just so recognizable. This music was made for chillin’ while getting weeded with your homeboys. I’ve been listening to it while playing with my dog – my ultimate homeboy, he’s a big Souls of Mischief fan.

Tame Impala – The Less I Know the Better.

Tame Impala was a band when I first heard I thought they were from the 1960’s. It was the song Elephant. Great Song, but I’m not here for Elephant. The Less I know the Better is a great song but the video is mind-blowing. I really just want to talk about the video, and how there are so many different interpretations of it floating around. I don’t know what exactly to make of it. It’s undeniably stunning from a visual standpoint. The lyrics “She was holding hands with Trevor, not the greatest feeling ever” are something just about every teenage boy can relate to…we all had our own Trevor…seriously I hate that guy.

Ozzy Osbourne X Aha – Take Me On The Crazy Train.

The Podcast “Pardon My Take” Uses a different version of “Take On Me” by A-ha. Monday’s show they played the best version of all time because it was mashed up with Ozzie Osbourne singing “Crazy Train” This one is for you kids out there who love these fancy new mashups.

Van Halen – Panama

So when I was in St. Louis I may have heard this song a few times. Van Halen on my radar again. Love me some Panama. Shout-out to PBM and BWAK we blared this on the drive to Columbia to see all 2-minutes of Michael Porter Jr.’s college career.

Jawbreaker – Accident Prone

The “Dear You” Album by Jawbreaker has a special place in my heart. I recently unearthed it, listened, still love it. I think you will too. Shout out to anyone reading this who know who this band is. Whenever I bring up Jawbreaker nobody knows what, I’m talking about. I only know about them because a girl I had a crush on liked them, so I started listening. I ended up liking the band more than her.

Heart – Crazy On You (Live)

Nancy Wilson is a Goddess of Rock. I have her picture up at A-Train Corp and Heart coming through the speakers.

Paul Wall and Chamillionaire  – Oochie Wally Freestyle.

I was introduced to the Houston rap scene in 2001 when I met some of my future best friends at the University of Missouri. They played chopped and screwed mixtapes by the dozens. No track listings, no idea what we were even really listening too. I’ve scoured the internet looking for my white whale..( A 15-minute Swisha-house freestyle that I’m still unable to find) I offer this Oochie Wally freestyle instead. “Look don’t touch me to broke hoes I’m allergic” – Chamillionaire.

Jae Hood – Freestyle.

Not sure the title of this, not his “first freestyle” It’s from a Kool Kid Mixtape I think. This is hot fire, not sure what else to say. The same friends that put on that Houston rap were feeding me mixtapes featuring Jae Hood and The Lox. Caution listening to too much LOX can be hazardous to your enemies health.

Violent Femmes – Add it up.

Just gonna post the whole album but “Add It Up” is probably my favorite all-time Femmes song. Every few years I go through a Violent Femmes phase, going through one right now.

The Cars – Just What I Needed.

Another awesome band not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame The Cars. I need to dedicate an entire post to what a joke the R&R Hall of Fame is. My parents owned this greatest hits album when I was growing up and I listened to it relentlessly. It’s been getting play again, welcome back Mr. Ocasek.

PBM Pigskin Particulars

Express train to NFL knowledge – all aboard, Rail Riders! Ya boy PBM went 2-2 in his Pick 5 this Thursday / weekend hitting on the Chargers and Cardinals and missing on the Lions and Saints. We’ve got the Texans tonight. Now, if you’re wondering why our boy Jared isn’t the featured image and Alvin “Boom Boom” Kamara is, I’m about to tell you. First thing is first – I’m starting a movement to make Kamara’s nickname “Boom Boom.” Why? Because when he touches the ball things go boom…then BOOM! He’s unfuckingbelievable. It was a huge win for the Rams yesterday – ginormous, in fact. But my take away was, and has been, that Kamara is the GAWD and on some truly next level ish right now. Look at these stats:

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Boom Boom is the lynchpin of the Saints offense and the Stickmen Deluxe, who powered their way to 9-3 and a playoff spot in the The Holy War this weekend. If Boom Boom keeps boom booming, then when Zeke gets back in the fray, the title is ours. Pop Martinelli’s, mafuckas.

Fly Eagles, Fly

The PBM darlings once again put in that work. Poor Mr. Biscuit got introduced to Fletcher “Doesn’t take I just give” Cox in a big way. Wentz was surgical yet again, and if not for Brady, would be the runaway MVP. Calling their ground game versatile would be an understatement now that Ajayi is on board. I think the Vikings could maybe hang with them for a half, but barring injury, that team is waltzing to the SB. Hope you put loot down on it when we told you to in week three.

Sayonora, Stickmalex

The Kansas City Chiefs STINK. Alex Smith STINKS. When we’re wrong, we’re wrong. I can’t believe how bad they’ve become, and yet again, I can. Alex Smith and Andy Reid are prominently involved. Their flash in the pan rookie RB got dissected in the film room. And their defense is so paper thin once any first stringer gets dinged up. The Train and I believe the Chargers are going to win that division. Hammer that bet if you feel so inclined.

Oh how the Broncos have fallen

Remember this? I bet Vance Joseph does. His team did stink worse than overcooked broccoli getting fucked by a trash bag. The Broncos STINK! The AFC West STINKS! It’s amazing that everyone, myself included, once thought it was the powerhouse division. There really isn’t one at this point, but the believed to be hapless AFC South is in the top 3 no matter how you slice it, and the NFC South is probably the best. John Elway needs to clean house in Denver and do it now, before someone sweeps him out with the rest of the rubbish.

Power Ranks

  1. New England Patriots
  2. Philadelphia Eagles
  3. Pittsburgh Steelers
  4. Minnesota Vikings
  5. Los Angeles Rams
  6. New Orleans Saints
  7. Carolina Panthers
  8. Seattle Seahawks
  9. Tennessee Titans
  10. Atlanta Falcons
  11. Los Angeles Chargers
  12. Jacksonville Jaguars
  13. Washington Redskins
  14. Kansas City Chiefs
  15. Baltimore Ravens

Bull-dozed in the Bay.

Where do I even begin with these Chicago Bulls? Last night they got humiliated by the defending champion Golden State Warriors on a level rarely seen in professional sports. Golden State beat the Bulls 143-94. First, let that score sink in. Now consider that the Warriors didn’t even play Kevin Durant or Draymond Green. Instead, they Started Jordan Bell for the first time in his career against the hapless Bulls. Jordan Bell, if you will recall, is the player that the Bulls drafted and then sold to Golden State for “cash considerations.” Bell proceeded to kick dirt on the Bulls when his name was announced. He flashed the money sign in their face. Mocking the mere 3.5 million he was sold for.

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Great to see the guy they traded Jimmy Butler for getting owned by someone they sold for NBA chump change.

This makes the beating so much worse than just the score. It was an outright calculated move by Kerr, throw the Bell trade back in their face. He was showing the Bulls what winners do, the Bulls are just pathetic losers. It was the sports equivalent of being “Scotty doesn’t know’d.”‘ on National Television. The Bulls are Scotty. Shoutout to the movie Eurotrip.

The Bulls had no business trading Bell to the best team in the NBA for cash. It’s the kind of move that should be illegal. The Best team in the NBA shouldn’t be buying draft picks from the worst team. If anything it should be the other way around. I’m glad he told the post-game reporter’s “I wanted to know how cash consideration was playing over there.” The front office in Chicago deserves all the egg on its face.

I get that the Bulls are tanking, but you can tank without selling off an asset. Jordan Bell wouldn’t suddenly make the Bulls not the worst team in the NBA. He would be on that roster though, and he’s worth more than a flat 3.5 million. It’s just more bad general managing from the worst general manager(s) in sports.

The tanking for a draft pick might work out for the Bulls, they might get the #1 pick and take Marvin Bagely Jr. It could work out for them, but even if it does it will be blind luck. Gar Forman and Jon Paxson don’t have a clue but it doesn’t seem like Jerry Reinsdorf even cares. He isn’t interested in firing them despite the desperate pleas from the entirety of the Bulls Nation.

 

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Your Chicago Bulls.

 

The feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that have plagued Knicks fans for so long is now being felt by the people of Chicago. A once great franchise is brought low by the machinations of a few cowardly men. What as Bulls fans are we to do? What can we do? We are Scotty, we don’t know.

Gobble, Gobble Get Down

Stand clear of the closing doors, Rail Riders! It’s Saturday, and ya boy PBM has some thumpers to get you past the Thanksgiving leftovers that are weighing you down. Get the fuck off your feet, throw your hands in the sky, and let the Hip Hop burn some mafuckin’ calories. If ya can’t do that, drink a Kombucha and stop being gross.

“Back on my Bullshit,” Papoose feat. Fat Joe & Jaquae

It ain’t cool being no jive turkey…so close to Thanksgiving. Pap and Joey Crack are for from that, and two of the most well respected MC’s to ever do it throw down over this club banger with supreme lyrical ferocity. Peeps better not be putting out they Kools on they floors – or they’ll get some of that bullshit on megaton.

“Black Ops,” Random Axe feat. Fat Ray

Random Axe was the side of project of PBM’s personal favorite Sean Price + Detroit’s Guilty Simpson (one of the best MC names ever) + one of our favorite producers, Black Milk. They get another Detroit MC, Fat Ray, to jump onto a head nodder deluxe of a beat to create some whiplash served Hip Hop style. BAAAAAAHHHHNNNNNGGGGG.

“Bangin Out the Trunk, ” Fashawn feat. Busta Rhymes

Put the women and children to bed before you blast this one from ya stereos, family. Someone might get punched and we don’t advocate domestic violence on the Train. Not one iota.

“Rips in the Paper,” Malik B & Mr. Green

“Got the paper rippin’ and shit…” I don’t know why, but I smile like a bastard every time I hear that intro from Malik B. Helluva track featuring insanely rhythmic bars from Malik and a beat that is diabolical from a true Hip Hop professor in Mr. Green.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday weekends, family! Get them pussies, and get em from the caboose.

Holiday Gift Ideas: Ladies Get Your Man a Palad Khik.

Every time the holiday season rolls around the inevitable question is asked by women everywhere: “What do I get the man who has everything?”

Good Question. A-Train is here with the answer but first, let me ask you this: “Is your man’s penis protected from evil spirits that would do it malicious harm?” The odds are that you haven’t even thought about how evil spirits might be affecting your man’s Johnson.

The truth is that most cases of erectile dysfunction are in fact caused by evil spirits and/or spells directed at the male anatomy. Spiritual Flaccidation is often misdiagnosed as “Whiskey Dick” by the amateur urologist. Viagra and Cialis have made a killing selling drugs to combat erectile dysfunction but they are expensive and extremely unreliable vs spells and spirits. Lucky for men and women everywhere I stumbled across an old eastern secret to combat this aggressive foe. Enter the Palad Khik.

Palad Khik” translates to the term “Honorable Surrogate Penis” and is an amulet that is to be worn underneath the clothes, offset from the real McCoy.

 

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Your man will be relieved to know his cock is safe from voodoo and witchcraft. Look for his performance in the bedroom to go way up.

 

This little piece of science was invented in India and brought to Thailand about 1200 years ago. India is always on the cutting edge of the tech game. They had been leading cock technicians for ages.

How do I know about the Palad Khik? Relax ladies, there have been no spells cast on little-train. I was thumbing through a coffee table book I own called The Signs and Symbols Sourcebook.  (I credit them with all my knowledge of the Palad Khik.) When I saw this magnificent symbol, I felt great reverence for such a noble device.

 

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I’m a sucker for books like this.

 

Shop Palad Khiks on ETSY.

Even if your man’s dick is spiritually safe and sound there is no denying the chance for a placebo effect. Just having the Palad Khik on hand can give a guy the confidence he needs to perform at peak levels. This is a no lose situation.

Size Matters: Don’t be afraid to get your guy a BIG Palad Khik. I’m assuming the evil spirits will go into the larger of the two penis’s, If I was an evil spirit I know I would. This is why you may want to dwarf your man’s dick with his honorable surrogate. His ego won’t be hurt when you present him with the Palad Khik so long as your frame it as being to his benefit. Guys are usually not very self-conscious about penis size, so you don’t have anything to worry about. Be sure to casually joke that if he isn’t up to the task, perhaps the Palad Khik is…he will love this even if his face shows shame and/or anger.

Ladies, no need to thank me but….you’re welcome.

Guys, you’re also welcome…your ding dong will last long.

Wet the Beak, Pilgrim: Fannuci Friday.

It’s a great day to wet the beak. Make yourself that nice leftover turkey sandwich, and settle for some college football, it’s rivalry week.

I dropped the ball on the Egg Bowl, I loved the Rebels in that game but I forgot it was being played on Thanksgiving and I had all my attention in the NFL. It was the first game circled on my sheet this week. Of course, they won outright in a game they were 15 point dogs.

Friday:

Commonwealth Cup: Virgina Tech @ Virginia (+7.5)

Virginia will win this outright I think.

Go with the Cavaliers and the points here.

Miami @ Pitt: When I first looked at this line it was 14 and I was all about Pitt, but now as I’m writing this it’s been bet down as low as 11.5 in some places and the best you can get is 13. I don’t like it as much now.

Mizzou @ Arkansas (+9.5) This is another line I was all over when I looked at my sheet Tuesday. Except it was Mizzou -11.5 then and it’s been bet down to -9.5. Do I like missing out on 2 whole points? No, but I’m not getting scared of this one either. Arkansas is at home and they are not going to a bowl game, this is it for them. I expect them to give it there all in the last game.

Watch this game: South Florida @ Central Florida.

Exciting playmaker on both sides, Central Florida going for an undefeated season. This game means more to the CFB landscape than Florida vs FSU this year. Both of these teams will factor heavily in bowl season so get eyes on these teams now.

Saturday:

We like to bet the Big Games and this Week they are HUGE.

Ohio State @ Michigan (+13):

GO BLUE! We want the Wolverines and the points. Home Dog in a rivalry game.

Iron Bowl: Alabama @ Auburn (+4.5): 

Same basic strategy, take the home dog with the points. I’m pumped for this game!

Boise State @ Fresno State (+7): 

This line shocked me, I thought Fresno would be a slight FAVORITE at home or at least a pk but they are a full TD underdogs at home? Am I reading this wrong it’s super early on the west coast still and I haven’t had my coffee? We love Jeff Tedford’s Fresno State Squad in this one. Bet it Money line.

Buck the trend.

I’m gonna pick one road team. It weirds me out to have a list of picks that are ALL home underdogs. let’s go with Arizona (-2) @ Arizona State. We are just gonna keep riding Khalil Tate.

 

 

Florida vs. Florida State: A Once Marquee Match-Up is an Afterthought in 2017.

When A-Train was just a wee lad he got really into college football. It was the mid-1990’s and the National Championship ran through the state of Florida. The Annual Florida – Florida State Game was a lock to have national championship implications. The question wasn’t “would these teams be ranked?” when they played, but “how high?” would they be ranked.

 

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Nobody could throw shade like my boy Steve Spurrier.

 

I don’t know why but I really liked both of these teams. I had a Danny Wuerfell #7 jersey and a Warrick Dunn #28. What I loved about the Gators was that they played in “The Swamp” Steve Spurrier was the coach, and he loved to spread the ball around. They had Fred Jackson at tailback and the Orange & Blue color scheme was dope as hell.

The thing I liked about the Seminoles was the pageantry inside the stadium, the flaming spear, the warchant, the relentless defense. I loved The Program, a movie that was obviously loosely based on FSU.

In the end, my love of Spurrier and the Gators won out. It isn’t really possible to be a fan of both teams. One of my earliest memories of college football was watching “The Choke at Doak” a game in which the Gators gave up a 31-3 lead that ended in a 31-31 tie. (Kids ask your grandparents about tie games in college football.)

One of my best memories was watching the Gators get revenge on the Seminoles in the National Championship and run them out of the Sugar Bowl. (It was a super revenge game, revenging both a loss that season to FSU & the loss in the national title the previous year. (Nebraska with Frazier and Phillips ran them out of the Fiesta Bowl)

When I see that this game now features two unranked teams and gets a 9am kickoff pacific time, I get a little bit sad. I get a little angry. Between 1993 and 2000 the winner of the “Sunshine Showdown” would go on to compete in the National Championship game. Now we are lucky if the game matters at all.

Parody in college football changed the rivalry for good. FSU used to almost never lose an ACC game, their biggest test was always outside conference vs The Gators (SEC) and the University of Miami. (Big East at the time). At the same time, The Gators had a stranglehold on the SEC. Spurrier leaving changed all that. Even Under Urban Meyer, the Gators would never dominate the conference like they did in the 1990’s.

It’s not all bad, I think these will be two of the most improved teams in college football NEXT year. As for 2017, this game is only interesting if you are gonna bet on it. The Gators are 5.5 point underdogs at home in case you’re wondering. It’s crazy to think that the South Florida – UCF game is the more marquee matchup in Florida this holiday weekend. I’d say the ‘Noles win and cover, but they have let me down all season in the gambling department so screw ’em. Go Gators.