A Better Ending to HBO’s Game of Thrones. Part 6.

Welcome back to part six of the new and better ending. We are poised for a battle to the North. The Night’s King having just suffered a three-headed-dragon attack now has to re-think his strategy of freezing out the enemy. It certainly seems like a major battle is coming.

I’ll tell you what we WON’T do in my version is waste an entire episode having characters yak about inconsequential bullshit while “preparing” for battle.

To the south, the word is out about The Night King’s army. There is panic, cold and hunger. The small council is trying to keep King’s Landing under control with Dany and Tyrion away. Sansa and Robert Arryn are on the council, having led the refugees all the way to King’s Landing. Danerys has brought Illiryo Mopatis over from Pentos to act as the Queen’s hand in place of Tyrion and sit the Iron Throne while they are both away. With Sansa and Cersei on the council, we get some solid repartee between the two as they now equal. Sansa gets to tell Cersei off in fantastic fashion.

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Remember Mopatis? This guy fucking gave Dany the dragon’s eggs as a wedding gift. The show just totally forgot about him. Pepperidge Farm Remembers.

The Queen of Thorns is still alive, and she didn’t take kindly to Cersei killing Margery and Loras. She has her spies watching Cersei’s every move. As Cersei plots how she will take back control of the throne, the Queen of Thornes knows what she is up too. It will be the Queen of Thorns who exposes Cersei in the end. Cersei will get a final laugh as one of Qyburn’s assassin’s gets to Lady Olena and kills her.

What is creepy Bran up too?

We last left Bran at Moat Cailin, where the great battle is set to take place. HBO gave this kid absolutely nothing to do, then they made him fucking king. I say we do the opposite, give him something to do, and don’t let a creepy crippled kid be king.

Bran is wheeled over to the heart tree, Ghost is with him. We see Bran look into the red eyes of the tree, then the red eyes of the dire wolf. Bran wargs into Ghost since the show decided to never set up John as a warg. As Ghost, Bran becomes the scout for the army of men. Stormclouds have made it hard to scout by bird or dragon, but the white wolf can get his eyes on the enemy without being seen. He gets right up to the Nights’ King’s Battle array and Bran is able to see what is coming.

What is coming is an almost endless army of the deadmen, zombie giants, ice spiders, and dead mammoths. Ghost turns and bounds off. At the last second, the Night’s King notices the dire wolf and he tries to raise more dead around the wolf to stop him. Ghost is able to escape ripping off a few zombie limbs in the process.

The news of the coming attack gets to the dragon riders. This is what they wanted, the plan to draw him out appears to be working.

Grey Worm forms up the Unsullied in a defensive position. Jorah has the Calvary ready for when they need to flank the enemy.

Jamie and Brienne are reunited. Podrick is knighted. Brienne has the command of an elite group of warriors, the people we love to see fuck shit up. They all have Valerian Steel, and they are meant to locate and kill the Nights’ King’s generals.

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You know what would have been pretty sweet? To see these guys fight the Warriors we have been watching for 7+ seasons. Instead, they did nothing, while the Jamie and Brienne types would just fight 10 zombies at a time.

The fighting really bothered me in S8E03 of the show. You would see a character get washed over by enemies and then somehow they would be fine. None of that in my version. Let’s see some swordplay otherwise what are we doing here?

Seven is a sacred number so I will end it for good in Part 7 coming up next.

PBM’s Game Two Adjustments

Game 1 of this year’s Stanley Cup Finals was the biggest Blues game I’ve ever watched. It was quickly supplanted by tonight’s game, and will only be rivaled by future games in this series. The game didn’t go so well for my beloved Blue Note. They were completely dominated in the final two periods and could’ve easily lost 7-2 or 8-2 as opposed to the game’s 4-2 final score. Am I worried? Of course I’m a bit worried. Am I freaking out? Not in the slightest. This Blues team has fed off of adversity, and I honestly don’t believe this series could pan out any other way if the Blues are too hoist Lord Stanley’s goblet. Coach Craig Berube has pushed all the right buttons, and has made seriously savvy in-series adjustments throughout the playoffs. Here are the ones that I’d make following what we saw in game one.

Forwards

Keep the top line of Tarasenko, Schenn, and Schwartz intact. They all played relatively decent, and Schenn was one of the few Blues players skating with Boston all night.

Time to breakup Thomas, Bozak, and Maroon. They were nonexistent in the second half of the San Jose series, and really bad in game one. Boston is essentially a more talented San Jose, so let’s shake up something that hasn’t been effective since round two. Move Thomas up to line two with O’Reilly and Blais. I love the idea of our regular MVP in ROR skating with two tenacious kids who don’t show fear. Going to need them to rattle Boston’s second line and especially Jake DeBrusk.

Bozak centers the third line with Perron and Sundqvist. Bozak’s playmaking with Perron’s nose for the net + the man who I affectionately call “Hank” could wreak havoc against the slower Boston “grind” lines.

Produce a true checking line of Barbashev, Steen, and Maroon as our 4th unit. Barbie and Big Rig together would bring some thump back to Boston, and I think the Blues need to hit as much or more than they have all year to have a shot against the Bruins.

Line 1: Tarasenko-Schenn-Schwartz

Line 2: Thomas-O’Reilly-Blais

Line 3: Perron-Bozak-Sundqvist

Line 4: Steen-Barbashev-Maroon

Defensemen

Break up Parayko and Bouwmeester – they’ve been our most consistent pairing and we need to spread out their solid play. I can’t believe I’m writing that about Bouwmeester, by the way. He has been my least favorite Blue for the better part of three years, and was a disaster against Winnipeg. Since round one, Jay has been fantastic. I’d like to put him with Pietrangelo. Petro’s horrific game one was overshadowed only by how terrible Joel Edmundson played. Petro’s mishaps didn’t translate to power plays and/or goals like Joel’s, but if you watched like I do you saw them. He couldn’t settle the puck – as my old coach used to say, he had the “hands of a rapist.” Get back to sculpting, Petro.

The Blues miss Vince Dunn. The Spittin’ Chiclets podcast referenced that he may be close to returning, and if he is, I’d like to pair him with Parayko. They’re our two best offensive defensemen, and we need to skate the puck up the ice rather than force passes into the neutral zone in order to have continued success against the aggressive Bruins’ frontline. If Dunn can go, Edmundson has to receive a healthy scratch after his game one performance. Bobby Bortleservice aka Robert Bortuzzo and Hot Carl Gunnarsson can stay together as our third pairing because they’ve been quietly consistent following Dunn’s untimely injury.

Pairing 1: Bouwmeester-Pietrangelo

Pairing 2: Parayko-Dunn (or Edmundson)

Pairing 3: Bortuzzo-Gunarsson

I’m positive these changes won’t all go down, but I’m even more positive we will see a few if not several new looks from Berube tonight. This game is literally the largest game of my lifetime as a Blues fan, and I’m not wigging out. That will only happen if we go down 2-0. Can we please hit the fucking music? PLAY THAT WOMAN’S SONG!

Defining Greatness: NBA Dynasties

All aboard, rail riders – if ya not inspired then ya leave something to be desired. Because ATrain is lighting fire to TV’s Iron Throne, and Prone Bone Malone is about to ignite a pyre inside ya NBA comfort zone. Time to disown any falsities about building truly great teams – LeBron fuckin’ James, you might want to see what I mean. High beams and bright lights brought out their pinnacle performances…and made PBM a cynical hoops snob who reps tough for Michael Jordan’s ish. Unwarranted and abhorrent stat-laden truths shall be ignored! Triple doubles down twenty don’t mean a thing in this hoops forum. So sip a couple or blaze some flowers, baby. Maybe you’ll see the choice is yours, but just know there are consequences when blueprints aren’t followed true to form.

Elements of an NBA Dynasty (Post 1980-Present)

Get ready, laymen hoops watchers (I’m looking at you, gym teachers of the world). I’m about to present to you the surefire, five component formula to apply to understanding whether you’re watching a dynasty in motion or if you’re watching an easy-bake championship grab that isn’t built to last.

Component #1: Three finals victories with relatively close to the same player and management personnel. The Showtime Lakers, Bird’s Celtics, MJ’s Bulls, Kobe/Shaq Lakers (kind of an outlier – we’ll get to that), Duncan’s Spurs, and the present day Warriors (The Durant signing will also be addressed – truth be told, they don’t need him) all fit the bill. Sorry Bad Boys Pistons and Hakeem’s Rockets…you’re out. That eliminates personal bias, fools. Those are my two favorite teams ever. Joining them on the outside looking in are the Kobe-led Lakers of the late 2000’s and the LeBron/Wade Miami squad.

Component #2: Your head coach is Pat Riley, Phil Jackson, Gregg Popovich, or Steve Kerr. Unless your core is Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parrish, and Dennis Johnson. Then whomever Red Auerbach appoints as coach is sufficient. No team in history had ever held four players of that caliber at the same time until KD went ring chasing. And Auerbach did so via the draft and savvy trades…not one single FA signing during his all-time great executive tenure.

Of the last thirty nine seasons NBA, twenty seven of the championship winners come from a team coached by the aforementioned men or was built by Red Auerbach. Riley was the lead executive behind the three championships won by the Heat (pre-LBJ title included), so really 30/39 title winners had these legendary basketball brains at the helm. Point being? EXECUTIVE LEADERSHIP AND COACHING ARE EXTREMELY FUCKING IMPORTANT FOR SUSTAINED GREATNESS IN PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL. Longevity is an impossibility when individuals place themselves above their franchises! I wonder whom I’m thinking about right now…

 

Component 3: Three foundational players attained through the draft. You may also draft two and attain one via trade if the trade acquisition is done in the prime of their careers. Exception here for the Shaq / Kobe Lakers three-peat. Having the most dominant big of that era and the best wing of all time other than MJ supersedes any formula. Especially when they’re surrounded by championship pedigree players like Robert Horry, Ron Harper, Derek Fisher, and others. SHEEEESH.

For each squad, I’m assigning one of their core three ballers to one of Newton’s Laws of Motion. Because it’s all about continued forward motion for dynasties – moving forward to repeated championship seasons for a singular franchise = ultimate success. Here’s Newton’s laws for those in need of a refresher:

First Law: If an object is at rest, it remains so, and if it’s in movement, it will keep moving at a uniform velocity until it is affected by an external force.

Second Law: Force is equal to mass times acceleration.

Third Law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

The Showtime Lakers (coached by Pat Riley):

First Law: Magic (drafted), Second Law: Worthy (drafted), Third Law: Kareem (traded for)

Magic was the engine. Worthy was unstoppable along side him on the break. If a team made the mistake of challenging Kareem, they saw the entire makeup of the second greatest player of all-time’s repertoire on both sides of the ball.

Bird’s Celtics (assembled by Auerbach):

First Law: Kevin McHale/Robert Parrish (drafted via trade and trade for – SAME DAMN DEAL!!!), Second Law: Dennis Johnson (traded for), Third Law: Larry Bird (drafted)

When McHale was in the zone, the Celtics were unbeatable. One of the best offensive post-games of all-time along side Hakeem, Kareem, Duncan, and Shaq. DJ was the guard version of Pippen – apparently all the way down his dong size. Bird was unflappable and if you engaged him via words, he ate your soul verbally and with his game.

MJ’s Bulls (coached by Phil Jackson):

First Law: Jordan (drafted), Second Law: Horace/Rodman (drafted/traded for), Third Law: Pippen (drafted)

The Bulls might have flummoxed Newton. They really only needed Mike and Scottie to cover all three laws. Jordan actually did it himself, but that makes sense because he’s the GOAT. I settled on this because when MJ sat for reasons unknown, the dynasty stalled. Horace/Rodman handled the enforcing via very different skills/tenacity, and Pippen is arguably the best two-way player ever outside of MJ, Hakeem, Duncan, Kobe, and LeBron.

Duncan’s Spurs (coached by Gregg Popovich):

First Law: Duncan (whom gracefully passed his spot here to Kawhi – both drafted) , Second Law: Parker (drafted), Third Law: Ginobili (drafted)

Duncan got to San Antonio and the winning never stopped. Parker’s speed ate teams for all three meals. If you challenged this team, Ginobili dunked on your head.

Shaq/Kobe Lakers need not fit this portion of the programming. Phil coached them for the record.

Splash Bro’s Warriors (Coached by Steve Kerr):

First Law: Steph (drafted), Second Law: Draymond (drafted), Third Law: Klay (drafted)

I’ll say it again, Durant doesn’t matter for this blog’s material. As ATrain stated to me via phone the other day, Durant being a Warrior is more important due to him not playing for a team that could potentially derail this dynasty. Steph’s shooting has changed the league and kept them moving forward, Draymond’s energy overwhelms teams with it’s size/force/acceleration, and Klay has made more big stops and big shots than anyone other than his teammates over the past five seasons.

Pretty simple, no? I’ll mention it here that Kerr played for both Phil and Pop + studied the finer points of each’s vastly different styles. Kerr is damn legend.

Component 4: Established veteran players with a willingness to sacrifice individual output for the good of the team. Essentially, teams whom avoid what Pat Riley coined as “the disease of more.”

Showtime Lakers: Michael Cooper (five rings), Byron Scott (three rings), Kurt Rambis (four rings), AC Green (three rings), Mychal Thompson (two rings – KLAY’S DAD!!), Jamaal Wilkes (three rings), and Bob McAdoo (two rings)

Wilkes and McAdoo were both All-Stars in hugely reduced roles – especially a former MVP in McAdoo. Cooper, Scott, and Green played their formidable years with the same teams instead of fleeing for a bigger spotlight. Mychal fathered Klay – one of many connections between each of these dynastic squads.

Bird’s Celtics: Bill Walton (two rings), Danny Ainge (two rings), Scott Wedman (two rings), Gerald Henderson (three rings), ML Carr (two rings), and Cedric Maxwell (two rings).

Walton was a former MVP playing as a 6th man. Ainge stayed despite other offers (and went back to the finals as player three times + won a ring as a GM). Maxwell was the MVP of their finals victory and the key piece of the trade Auerbach made to acquire Walton. Wedman was a 2x All-Star who went from playing 36 mins/game and averaging nearly 20pts per to playing 15 mins/game and scoring only 6pts per. What would John Lithgow call this noble act?

 

Jordan’s Bulls: John Paxson (three rings), Bill Cartwright (three rings), BJ Armstrong (three rings), Stacey King (three rings), Ron Harper (five rings), Will Perdue (four rings), John Salley (four rings), Toni Kukoc (three rings), Luc Longley (three rings), and a bunch of other dudes who stuck around during either three-peat.

The most astonishing thing when you look back at the Bulls is their limited roster turnover every year during each three-peat. In addition to having the GOAT player, the arguably GOAT coach, and a top ten two-way player of all time the Bulls had serious consistency in their locker rooms. Take notes, Daryl Morey and Rob Pelinka/LeBron James. More championship connectivity to call out – Kerr (he’s the only person involved with three of the dynastic organizations – UNREAL when truly appreciated), Harper, Perdue, and the aforementioned Ho Grant earned ‘chips on more than one of these profiled squads. Salley and the aforementioned Rodman were both 2x title winners for the Bad Boy Pistons. Rodman won five tiles throughout his NBA career.

Duncan’s Spurs: Steve Kerr (five rings), Mario Elie (three rings), Will Perdue (four rings), Bruce Bowen (three rings), Beno Udrih (two rings), and Robert Horry (seven rings).

This component is where the Spurs differ from most – due to the spread out nature of their success, their title teams consistent presences were the three laws of Duncan, Parker, and Ginobili. Duncan won five rings, and the other two men won four. What the Spurs culture fostered was sincere talent taking lesser roles in order to get a title (both homegrown or acquired via trade/FA) – for most of the men about to list, it was their sole journey to the promised land. They include David Robinson, Sean Elliott, Michael Finley, Boris Diaw, Stephen Jackson, Steve Smith, Kevin Willis, Brent Barry, Danny Green, and Speedy Claxton. I credit this anomaly to the iron rule of Popovich + consistency of Duncan. Kerr’s and Perdue’s second appearance each in this component must be noted.

Shaq/Kobe Lakers: Robert Horry (seven rings), Brian Shaw (three rings), Derek Fisher (five rings), Rick Fox (three rings), Ron Harper (five rings), Horace Grant (four rings), Devean George (three rings), AC Green (three rings), and John Salley (four rings).

Glen Rice popped his head in here for a ring. As did Mitch Richmond. The Lakers core of Shaq/Kobe was bolstered each year by Horry, Fisher, and Fox more than the others. Like I said, a third law need not apply to Shaq + Mamba.

Splash Bros. Warriors: Andre Igoudala (three rings), Shaun Livingston (three rings), David West (two rings), JaVale McGee (two rings), and Zaza Pachulia (two rings).

This component is tough to apply to the Warriors due to the Durant element. However, the three laws of the Splash Bros. + Donkey have been joined by Iggy and Livingston the entire run. Kerr is their coach (Kerr’s NBA life is unmatched – need to say this one more time. Didn’t even mention his two FINALS clinching shot until now!) They’ve won three of four titles (soon to be four of five), and half of their chips are going to be without Durant on the floor. The one finals they lost, they shouldn’t have. They were up 3-1 and officiating decisions were HIGHLY questionable. If they had won in ’16, there would be little debate in calling them the greatest team in modern NBA history.

Component Five: A transcendent player that defines or co-authors their era’s largest moments.

Showtime? Magic Johnson. The best offensive PG of all time who could play every position on the floor due to his incomparable size + speed + handle combination.

Celtics? That’d be Bird. An offensive assassin who’s game hadn’t been seen or replicated until Durant (the best offensive player in the modern aside from MJ and apex Shaq).

Bulls? The GOAT. Michael Jeffrey Jordan. I’ve discussed this in length…read my past “defining greatness” blog.

Lakers? Shaq w/an assist from young Kobe. The most dominant offensive big man since Wilt, and he did so against vastly superior competition. Although Hakeem ate him up in their finals showdown (mandatory PBM Hakeem dick tug). Kobe won three rings as the second option and another two more as his team’s undisputed alpha dog. He’s a B+/A- Jordan at his best, and a top-ten player of all time.

Spurs? Duncan. The most consistent superstar of all time and the best power forward to ever lace them up. Duncan vs. LeBron in the NBA Finals? 11-5, Fundamental. I love that stat.

Warriors? Steph Curry. The greatest shooter to ever live. He is rivaled only by his two teammates for this honor, and it needs to be mentioned that he has won at every level he’s played at. Remember Steph in college? The guy beat future NBA all stars while playing with dudes whom are selling real estate and trading stocks right now. In an era where shooting is the undisputed king trait needed to win, Steph wears the crown. Piss off, kid from Akron.

And that concludes this edition of “Defining Greatness.” Be well, Rail Riders. And don’t quote stats if they don’t have wins behind them. Peace.

A Better Ending to HBO’s Game of Thrones. Part 5.

Thanks to everyone for the positive feedback I’ve been getting on these. I will admit it’s been much more fun trying to reshape this mess than it was watching the actual show for me. It is an assignment you can’t get wrong because no matter what I come up with, it’s going to be better than what we got from HBO.

I’m not even saying my ideas are great, they just make a lot more logical sense than the dog shit HBO fed us. I’m really just taking the plot the show gave us and moving logically from where the story was pointing before it unraveled completely.

Shout out to Brooke, who sent me a bunch of #GotMemes. I’d like to post a relevant one here:

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The people didn’t forget. You were turning babies into White Walkers, dude. You made it a big deal one episode and we never saw anything about it ever again.

Cut to The Frozen Throne: This is what I’m calling the Night King’s throne at Winterfell.

The human children held captives by the White Walkers are gathered and presented before the Night’s King. They are shivering.

It’s revealed little Lyanna Mormont is among the captives. She is brought before the king and queen.  The Other White Walkers the Night’s King included have a language undiscernable to human ears but The White Walker queen (Lyanna Stark) still has the language of men. She asks the child her name. You were named after me, the queen tells Lady Mormont. She tells him this man is our King now. (gesturing towards the Night’s King.) 

Lady Mormont reiterates her words from Earlier “I know no King, but the King in the North whose name is Stark” She pulls a dragon glass dagger and rushes at the king. As she closes in the Queen catches her and wrenches away the blade. “Foolish girl.” she says, “I am a Stark.”  Then she brushes away black ice and grime from her King’s frozen breastplate a Black Direwolf Sigil is revealed on his chest.

“And so is the King.”

So the lore of the White Walkers as far as the show goes is that the Children of the Forrest created them from men to fight men? It’s pretty stupid and they are not portrayed that way in the books. In fact as far as the books go the White Walker’s and the “Night King” are still very unknown. The Night’s King is just one of old nan’s tales. So if I’m going to follow that the Walkers were created from men, what if the patient zero the Children of the Forest used was a Stark? A Stark from 5,000 years ago or whatever.

Oh and then Lyanna Mormont is turned into a white walker child by the Night’s King and basically adopted by him as his daughter and princess of winter. Sorry, everyone who loved her, she’s demon spawn now. But guess what she’s a side character who didn’t appear till well into the show. It’s cool to have her made bad. Making Daenerys into the “Mad Queen” with the flip of a switch is heinous: she’s the main character.

In fact, the Night’s King is gonna turn all the captive children into white walkers. That’s what you get for not keeping up with your parents.

Now we cut back to the three-headed dragon of Jon, Dany, and Tyrion. They are descending on Winterfell from Dragonback but they do not attack directly. They circle the castle from a great distance. Then they unleash the flames.

They build a giant burning ring of fire spanning miles around Winterfell. They circle round and round spitting flame.

Then each flies dragon to a different section of the ring of fire. They begin to fan the flames with their wings.

At Winterfell, you see some of the ice that has frosted around the castle begin to thaw.

The Night’s King sees the thaw as well and a look of anger and rage flashes across his face. One of his Walker-Brother comes in to give a warning but the King is already preparing a counter attack. Except the attackers are gone, it was a hit and run attack. His giant Ice Spider has come out of its lair and is going crazy trying to spit frozen webs to put out the fire.

You can see in Night’s Kings’ Eye that this aggression will not stand, man.

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You made him a whiney emo bitch.

Hey A-Train what about Jamie Lannister?

I didn’t forget about the precious King Slayer.

In Part 1 of the rewrite, you will recall Cersei uses diplomacy to get out of trouble. In truth, she bore her soul to the queen. She told Dany how she was in love with Rhaegar. How she wanted to marry him. Well, Jamie hears this. He’s heartbroken to learn his sister loved someone else. While he’s grateful for Dany’s pardon, he also knows that Cersei was telling the truth about her love for Rhaegar. He leaves King’s Landing but we as the audience don’t know exactly where he is yet….

Part 6….. tomorrow if I have time. Thanks again for reading and for all the feedback.

A Better Ending to HBO’s Game of Thrones. Part 4.

Welcome back to the Game of Thrones rewrite, where we last left off the North was being evacuated through the Neck and through White Harbor. The Night’s King is descending through the North, killing the people who didn’t evacuate in time. The children are held in cages as prisoners for now. He leads his army of the dead into an empty Winterfell. First, he goes to the crypts and raises the dead Starks. When he raises Lyanna Stark he uses a different kind of magic and she rises more like him. She rises now a white walker.

He takes the Walker Lyanna Stark as his queen of winter and sits on the high lord’s chair as the castle frosts and freezes around him.

(end whatever episode that is…)

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(Savage move by the Night’s King. He knows that Jon Snow is one of his main rivals. So what does he do? He makes Jon his stepson when he raises his mom from the dead.)

Next Episode should start with some notion of a passage of time. At the choke point of the Neck, the army of defenders has built a winter fortress. They have been waiting for an attack that hasn’t come. What has come is cold and starvation. Most of our important cast members gather around to discuss the dire situation. Jon, Dany, and Tyrion for sure but also Brienne, Tormund, etc.

The options are:

  1. Attack. Most people think this is really stupid to attack blindly into an enemy they know little about.
  2. Retreat South toward better provisions. You lose the favorable defensive position
  3. Get more intelligence and continue to wait. Risk running out of food or freezing.
  4. Figure out a way to lure the Night’s King to attack into a trap of their own. (This is the most agreed upon option but how do they pull it off?)

There is one other MAJOR PROBLEM. The Dragons are not doing well in the cold. They appear to be suffering. Dany wants to take the Dragons south to try and heal but they are afraid to remain undefended by Dragons. Tyrion and Samwell begin to dig back into the dragon scrolls to try and find an answer, but Mellisandre has just arrived and says there is no need.

The Red Woman has come to the Neck from White Harbor. She has joined the defenders. The Red Woman tells Dany to remember what she knows about Dragons. She asks Daenerys “What are Dragons?” Daenerys remembers and answers “Dragons are fire made flesh”

A giant bonfire is made specifically for the dragons and they begin to heal under the warmth. The Red Woman tells Dany she has a gift in the fight against the Night’s King. It’s a box with three large rubies in it, similar to the magic ruby she wears around her neck.

The Rubies will protect the dragons from the cold and makes their fires burn hotter. They just need to wear them around their necks.

OMG, I finally have something for Gendry to do! He’s making dragon necklaces!

Maybe dragons rocking ruby chains is a bit odd but it is still 100x better than what this show gave me, and I feel like this shit is making way more logical sense.

The Ruby Necklaces are like crack for these Dragons they are now operating at 110%

Mellisandre advises Jon, Dany, and Tyrion that fire is the mortal enemy of ice. Start a big enough fire and the Night’s King will come out to extinguish it. They like this idea….the are Targaryen’s after all.

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You ever see a lizard in a blizzard? Get me a damn jacket!

Part 5 coming at ya soon. Stay Tuned.

A Better Ending to HBO’s Game of Thrones. Part 3.

There was this huge build up to John Snow’s true identity. He’s not Ned Starks bastard, he’s the son of Rhaegar and Lyanna. Yet on the show we saw, that didn’t seem to matter AT ALL with the way things turned out in the end. Do not fear or worry here it WILL matter. Tyrion has taken his Dragon to warn Dany of what’s coming from the North. He tells her that there is something else she needs to know.

Dany, John Snow, and Tyrion meet with Bran by the heart tree. John Snow and Dany are meeting for the first time. Dany tells John her dream is a Kingdom united under her rule, Jon tells her “If we live through this I will happily bend the knee.”

Dany also meets Bran for the first time. Bran tells her that she THINKS she is alone, that she THINKS she is the last Targaryen…she isn’t. She has a living half brother and a living nephew. Bran puts his hand on Dany and is able to pass to Daenerys a true vision of the past. The imagery she needs to see to know the truth.

Tears are running down Daenerys cheeks, she thought she was all alone. The Last Targaryen. I will never have children she says but now in you, I know our family’s bloodline can go on. Dany is not mad, she’s happy! She has a family again. The Targaryens can go on through either John or Tyrion.

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Dany likes this ending more. High Five!

Dany and Tyrion tell John he needs to learn to Dragon ride and they teach him in an empty Winterfell as everyone has fled south. From the skies above Winterfell, they see the coming storm of winter.

The plan now is to try and defend against the Night King at the next choke point. This would be the neck. White Harbor however isn’t fully evacuated yet, there have not been enough ships to get everyone out. Bran tells John that he sees through the raven a pirate fleet nearby that can help…Salador Saan (remember him!)

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How are you not gonna close this dude out proper?

Danerys will fly to convince Saan to help the people of White Harbor evacuate.

Tyrion, John and Bran head to the choke point. They are meeting the Unsullied and Grey Worm to plan the defense. Lots of the big names are gonna be here. Jorah is fucking half dead from greyscale Sam failed his surgery because he’s a fat idiot. Jorah just wants one last chance to kill for his queen and die with a sword in hand.

The Plan will be to have an actual plan, a plan for the dragons and how to use them, a plan on how to use Calvary not like total idiots…pretty much the opposite of what we saw in the show.

Cut to Salador Saan’s flagship: We see The Red Woman is on board. (what you thought I’d forget about the firestarter?) The Red Woman told Saan that if he sailed towards White Harbor the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen would come to him out of the sky on a dragon and that he would help her for nothing more than a kiss. Saan in starting to appear skeptical but then he hears the dragon’s wail and sees the wings through the clouds. Drogon lands on the giant vessel as gentle as a sparrow and Dany greets Saan with the greatest courtesy. She tells of the peril and will do anything for his help. Saan says he will do it for nothing more than a kiss but when Dany leans in he stops her. “Not here,” he says as he points to the sky “Up there” And without hesitation, she hails Drogon and they both fly high into the sky. Saan gets to mile-high first base. The people of White Harbor get the ships they need. White Harbor saved by a Black Pirate isn’t it ironic?

I have no clue how many parts this will be but I don’t want them getting too long so I will end here. Look for Part for 4 coming soon.

 

A Better Ending to HBO’s Game of Thrones. Part 2.

Hey A-Train, what about Sansa?

Hey A-Train, what about Arya?

Hey A-Train, what about Hot Pie?

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I’ll get to this beautiful boy.

Hey A-Train, what about Brienne of Tarth?

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Some people want to know more than others.

I’m getting to them, Jennifer!

We pick up with Sansa I think somewhere around when she makes Ramsay dog food. Sansa is becoming the woman her mother wanted her to be, a true lady. Littlefinger (who in my version would have never sent Sansa to Ramsay in the first place but I can’t rewrite everything) is urging her to wed Robyn Arryn the Lord of the Vail. She is skeptical because the first time Littlefinger urged her to wed it failed miserably. Littlefinger has turned  Rob Arryn into a catch, a guy Sansa would really like. Sansa in intrigued, with John King in the North, Lady of the Veil is a nice title. In fact, the young Lord is so unlike he used to be Sansa thinks it’s possible Littlefinger either killed the boy and replaced him or he died of natural causes. The courtship is cut short by the coming doom and Sansa takes a leadership role as does the young lord Arryn in helping the people flee south.

Arya is not killing the Night King with a pencil in my version sorry, but she knows to flee south like everyone else, except she has more purpose. She still has a name on her list: Cersei Lannister.

Not to get too far ahead of myself in the timeline I really quickly want to outline how this confrontation will go down. Arya in typical faceless-man fashion studies her victim before deciding how to kill her. Arya sees the queen’s plots to kill Tyrion and Daenerys to usurp the throne again. But she’s been watching her so closely that Arya knows Cersei’s schemes will unravel around her and she will be caught.

If you will permit me some imaginary screenwriting: 

Arya sneaks up on the queen like a thief in the night. The queen is alone in her bedchamber lit only by candlelight.

Arya: I’ve been watching you, I came to King’s Landing to kill you. Do you remember me?

Cersei: You’re the Stark girl, the other one. It was your wolf that bit my Joffrey.

Arya: That was a long time ago, a lot’s happened since then. I made a list you know? At one point it had a lot of names on it. It had your son’s name on it. It was more than a list actually. It was a prayer, I said it every night before I slept. I’ve slain many a man on my list… I would have killed Joffrey, instead, Littlefinger did it with the Queen of Thornes.

(The Queen who was certain her brother Tyrion poisoned Joffrey with the help of Sansa has a look of shock and disbelief on her face, she moves her lips to speak but Arya cuts her off.)

Arya: You still think the Imp killed Joffrey? C’mon Cersei I thought you were smarter than that. Littlefinger planned the whole thing and freed my sister, it’s the only reason HE’S not on my list. In fact, there’s just one name left. Queen Cersei. Except you’re no longer a queen are you?

Cersei: I am the Lady of Casterly Rock and I will be a queen again!

Arya: You are the last name I whisper at night, and I’m not even going to kill you. I am going to watch your plots and schemes unravel and swallow you up and I’m going to laugh when it happens. I need to learn to laugh again,

(Arya fades into the shadows)

Cersei’s plots do unravel around her, she was going to try and kill Tyrion and Daenerys she is brought before the queen and demands a trial by combat. Everyone knows she’s guilty but Daenerys allows it. Cersei’s Champion is Ser Robert Strong, so obviously the Hound is going to be the Champion for the Crown. The Hound wins and Cersei is guilty.

Tyrion strangles his sister to death, in the same manner, he killed Shea. He’s not even thinking about Cersei as he does it, he’s thinking about the first woman he strangled. In doing so he fulfills the last part of Cersei’s prophecy.

I could see doing this part in the final episode, or just before the last showdown with the Night King.

Lot’s of people want to know what my boy HP is up too? Hot Pie is slanging bowls of brown to everyone in flea bottom. “Best Brown in the Bottom” is his Tavern’s catch phrase.

Brienne of Tarth takes on a role in John’s Snow’s king’s guard. Tormund immediately also gets on John’s king’s guard and Brienne wonders if she just made a huge mistake. Tormund still tells the Giants milk story. (That’s cannon from the books.)  More on John’s Elite Guard later.

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A-Train Taking a break from fixing this mess…Part 3 is coming and faster than the Winds of Fucking Winter.

A Better Ending to HBO’s Game of Thrones. Part 1.

Game of Thrones ended in epic failure last night. There’s not much else to say. I can’t even go into the minutiae of every little failure of this episode and of this season. We all saw it first hand. Instead, I’m going to off the top of my head outline a better way to end GoT the show from when Danerys is sailing back to Dragonstone from Mereen, and after Jon Snow is proclaimed The King in the North. Cersei sits the Iron Throne.

Part 1)

Daenerys gets to Dragonstone with her three dragons. Here we see her practicing on how to ride her dragon. Tyrion has been studying some scrolls he found at Dragonstone he discovers secrets of dragon riding previously thought lost written in the hands of Aegon the conqueror. He helps teach Dany and one of the dragons takes to him. Tyrion becomes a second dragon rider. He also devises a saddle-type thing to ride on the dragons similar to what he did for Bran.

Together they lay waste to Euron Greyjoy’s fleet when they spot it in Blackwater Bay. As the scorpions from the ship are angled upwards to shoot the dragons from the sky. Dany and Tyrion dive low almost skimming about the water. The dragons torch them from sea level. This is a trick Tyrion read about in the scrolls. When the remaining ship angled the scorpions low the dragons climbed into the sky and reigned hell from above. Peace out Euron.

This would keep Tyrion looking like a smart character, and it would show Dany learning to become a warrior on dragon back, rather than her just automatically being adroit at it. Characters can continue to grow even in the later seasons’ guys. 

John is too fucking busy worrying about the goddamn night king to go all the way to Dragonstone looking for dragon glass. He instead sends Davos since he’s fucking good at sailing and diplomacy.

Davos convinces Dany and Tyrion of the danger to the North, they mine the dragon glass and Davos sails it back to the north meanwhile Tyrion flys north on his dragon to meet with Jon Snow and see first hand what Davos was talking about.

Cersei is legit worried about the fucking Dragons and Danerys as she should be. Jamie is also worried.

Dany flies her Dragon to Dorne and wins the support of the Dornish. They declare for her and march towards Casterly Rock.

The Major Problem with the show beyond so many other problems was that the writer’s lost sight of who the final boss should be and what was truly important. The Final Boss is the Army of the Dead and the Night King, not Cersei.

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Remember me? I’m the final boss, not a blonde milf.

Meanwhile up North at the Wall, the dead begin to gather and shamble about the wall. As the Night King comes winter comes with him and the wall is hit with a blizzard. As the snow falls the white walkers command the dead to start gathering the snow. With the snow of winter itself, they start building blocks of ice and with those blocks, they begin to build a giant ice-stair to climb over the wall. We see that they have an almost endless army. The Night King rides a giant spider like the ice spiders mentioned in the books, his lieutenants on other animals like mammoths and elk.

The Night’s Watch sees what’s happening and have to abandon Castle Black because they lack the men to mount a defense. They now must warn people what’s coming. “The stair is taking time to be built, but it will be built and the dead will come”

The Watch joins John at Winterfell. They tell him everyone in the north needs to go South. Everyone.

Back in the South Cersei knows she can’t fight her way out so she must try and use her wits. She is surrounded. She asks to talk to Queen Daenerys woman to woman. Cersei tells Dany how she loved her brother Rhaeger, how it should have been her that wed him not Elia. That if it had been her, he would have never run off with Lyanna Stark. Elia Martell was far too plain and frail to please a Dragon.

(this is all true – Cersei thought all these things at one point)

Then she tells Dany about how every part of the prophecy the woods witch told her has come true. She had three children, and they all died. She says how at first she thought Margery was the Queen “Younger and more beautiful” that came to cast her down, but now she sees that it was clearly Dany the witch spoke of.

“I never thought Margery was more beautiful though, so I had my doubts. But you Danerys are very beautiful and you’ve come to cast me down”

Cersei says she will abdicate peacefully, she asks that Jamie and all her men be spared. And she asks to be allowed to resume life as the Lady of Casterly Rock. Loyal to the new Queen. Dany is very pleased and she allows it. Cersei then respectfully asks if Dany would grant her a seat on the council so that she might help the Queen ease her transition. Missandei is skeptical, Jorah thinks its a bad idea, but Tyrion is not there to truly warn Dany that his sister will continue to plot and that she may yet desire to take the throne after all is said and done.

Cersei pays Bronn to Kill Varys for leaving her service to join Daenerys. This way we get rid of Varys who is useless without his little birds and we see Cersei has not changed her true nature.

Tyrion flies his dragon North to the Wall while John Snow rides there with a scouting party. They need to see the enemy first hand and Tyrion can see them the best from the sky. Except the blizzard clouds make it impossible to see. He comes out of the clouds at a low altitude and immediately sees the stair almost complete. He’s close to the top of the wall and Viscerion lets out dragonflame that melts the top of the stair and several dead thralls. As he passes back we see the Night King on his ice spider, the spider spits and Icy Web that takes Visceron full in the face, he can’t see and he can breathe flame. He fly-crashes down on the southern side of the wall right in front of John and his men as they ride up.

The Men using all their daggers cuts away the icy web on the dragon’s face and he will be ok but he’s hurt and Tyrion won’t ride him without an actual plan of attack – smart right? Tyrion saw what they needed to see anyway, the North Needs to be evacuated, everyone must make for White Harbor to take ship or Moat Caitlin along the King’s road. Tyrion says when Viscerion is ready he will find Daenerys and tell her about the danger.

Bran tells John that he’s actually the son of Rhaegar and Lyanna when John and Tyrion get back to Winterfell. He tells him that they must have Daenerys and her Dragons to defeat the Night King, he tells him the Dragon must have three heads and John is the third. John must learn to ride a Dragon as well.

Bran tells Tyrion that he is, in fact, the son of Joanna Lannister and The Mad King. That the Mad King raped his mother and that he was half Lannister and half Targaryen. That his mother tried to drink moon tea too late to kill the pregnancy, that’s why she died and he came out a dwarf. (Big Reveal John Dany and Tyrion are the Three-headed Dragon of House Targaryen.)

I’m going to pause here and come back tomorrow with how the rest of this shit maybe could have gone down.

 

Need bangers? I can give ’em to ya.

Watch the whole clip or skip to 1:08 for context…I can give it to ya.

Happy Friday, Rail Riders! It’s you mans, PBM, and I’m coming in HOT with bangers to kick off your weekend. Let’s start with two joints from the Super Group Pivot Gang. Love these dudes – bunch of original rhyme slayers led by Saba and Joseph Chilliams. Their track “Blood” is the one that put me on to them.

The track “Edward Scissorhands” is what sold me on them permanently.

“You don’t got to trim your bush, you don’t got to Edward Scissorhands!” Bar of the century, kids.

If Pivot Gang’s sound is too modern for ya, then rock with Benny the Butcher. He’s as throwback as they come, man. Conjures up “Cuban Linx” and “Infamous” vibes every time I hear him bust into a beat. “Fast Eddie” is my favorite joint from him, but his whole catalogue is on point.

Ya boy PBM has been on a soulful kick lately, and tracks like “Thinking ‘Bout You” are at the crest of that wave. Deante’ Hitchcock is a self-proclaimed Outkast disciple and he brings the flavor of someone who should believe such a bold declaration. His track “Postlude” is straight fire too, as is “Ascension.”

This track is a bit older, but I’m just now getting it into rotation.

The lyrics paint the message. The beat is fire. It’s alllll legit in that banger from EARTHGANG.

Last one will be left to the man with the best drop in the game right now…”TO BASS BE THE GLORY!” Here’s Bass Santana’s THUMPER “Mix It.”

Updated PBM Playlist on Spotify. Peep game, and be safe out there this weekend.