Bulls v. Lakers: Inaugural Ultimate NBA Finals

We made it, rail riders. We fuckin’ made it. The entire season has been simulated, and we have a champion. Not only do we have a champion, but that champion is the one we deserve. Like I said in the Eastern Conference results blog…was there ever any goddamn doubt?!?!?

The Chicago Bulls are your PBM Covid-19 Ultimate Fantasy NBA kings! They swept the damn Lakers, baby. The Bulls went 16-4 in the playoffs. They fuckin’ dominated this shit, baby. The lone shocker? Allow me to introduce you to your Finals MVP:


Jordan can’t win the award every single time, I guess. MVP-level Derrick Rose is getting his flowers in our simulated universe and it’s a beautiful sight. How lucky is the rest of the NBA, and especially LeBron James, that this guy couldn’t stay on the floor in his prime? Rose could’ve been a top 20 player of all time, people. Basketball fans were ROBBED of some amazing moments by his faulty legs. It brings me great joy to celebrate D Rose via this forum, and I’m stoked his best season shined through in this medium.

…and that’s the end of that, rail riders. Hope you enjoyed reading the content this concept yielded as much as I enjoyed creating it. I’m going to try and deliver more elaborate material such as this throughout the pandemic, and any feedback is truly welcome.

Until next time – wash your goddamn ass, passengers. Deuces.

Jay Williams Picks Cleveland over Golden State in the NBA Finals; Has Not Fully Recovered From the Motorcycle Accident that Ended his Career.

As a fan of the Chicago Bulls, I remember all too well the motorcycle accident that ended the career of Jay Williams, who was the Bulls #2 overall pick in the NBA Draft. Personally, I thought he was going to be a bust regardless, but a lot of people thought he was a promising young player.

He found a second career as an analyst for ESPN but evidently, there are still some lingering effects from the accident that occurred way back in June 2003. This is evidenced by his hot take that the Cavs are going to beat the Warriors. I’m not sure why he thinks this because I watch ESPN on mute.

Judging by the body language of his justification I could tell that he was really not on board with his own take. He was fidgety and it didn’t seem like he was owning his take in a Steven A. Smith way. He was subdued. I’m worried that the effect of the accident and his struggle with painkillers is clouding his judgment.

Last year we called that this series would be over in 5 games, I think that it’s probably the same again this year, if not a straight sweep. The difference in these teams is that the Cavs don’t have Kyrie Irving anymore. That’s a big difference. LeBron has been incredible but the Warriors have too much firepower. That’s our official NBA Finals pick. -ATRAIN OUT.

It’s Fake News that LeBron Beat Jordan’s Consecutive Games of 10+ Points Streak.

876 consecutive games scoring 10+ points for Lebron James sounds really great. He just broke MJ’s record of 866 games scoring 10+ points. Or did he? There is a very important factor that nobody is mentioning. This is a regular season record. This record does not include the MOST IMPORTANT GAMES. The games played in the PLAYOFFS. What are the most important games in the playoffs? The NBA Finals. Hey, LeBron you never scored less than 10 in a Finals game, did you? Let’s check the footage.

8 points in an NBA Finals game? Sheesh!

Let’s see if as a Chicago Bull Jordan scored less than 10 in the playoffs…

In 1985, his second year, in his 5th game coming back from his broken foot, Jordan was held to 8 points.  He scored at least double-digits for every other game he played as a Chicago Bull (both regular season and playoff).

So you mean to tell me that Michael Jordan never shit the bed in a playoff game, let alone a finals game? Hmmm. Well isn’t that food for thought. When the moment was the biggest and his team needed him most, LeBron had his worst game. Yet for some reason, people want to say LeBron is better? GTFO, you can’t score 8 vs the fucking Dallas Mavericks in the finals and still claim to hold this streak over Jordan, you just cannot. That streak is not real.


That was probably the last time anyone held Lebron under 10 right? Wrong. Game 5 2014 Eastern Conference Finals vs Indiana, he put up only 7 points. They lost the game 93-90. Man if Lebron had scored 10 he could have sent that game to OT, but alas he didn’t. He scored a measly 7 points in a pretty big game.


LeBron is a 10 point lock…..as long as it’s not the biggest and most important games like the NBA Finals or the Eastern Conference Finals.

You want to call it a regular season streak, that’s fine because¬†it’s technically true, even though we all know it’s what happens in the playoffs that matter. Good Job Lebron on scoring 10+ in all your meaningless regular season games.